Have you ever met someone and after the first date been 95% sure that they were ‘the one’? (or as one of my friends told me, this prediction can even happen BEFORE said date!) I have, a handful of times. I am imagine this is more of a female thing but needless to say each time my prediction was incorrect.
I have decided that I will approach the next relationship on which I embark slightly differently. I am in no rush this time, I don’t even know if I believe in ‘the one’ that is to say…….
Questions still to discover
Do I even want just one person from now until the end? Can one romantic relationship from now until I die really fulfil everything I will want from a partner? Where is the balance between working on a relationship and realising that both parties can be happier and more fulfilled apart meeting new people after some time?
If I meet someone and settle down and have a family will they be ‘the one’ even though most of my life so far has been spent without them and in fact with other people?
Is polyamory / at least an open relationship realistic long term?
Things I’ve learnt from previous relationships which means that I regret none of them……
My new improved…..new relationship rules
1. Don’t overly dwell on expectations for the future. Maybe things will go far, maybe they won’t. Either way everything will be ok
2. There is no need to rush anything; you have plenty of time. I was panicking at 24. Now I’m 30 I’m trying to realise this.
Take your time before making the step from ‘dating’ to ‘being in a relationship’. A relationship status can add unnecessary pressure and cloud thoughts. Wait until you are absolutely sure you want to give it a go
Also: Don’t move in after 2 days. And don’t talk about moving into a hippy commune after 2 weeks
3. Don’t expect this person to ‘complete’ you. You are already complete! Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is take some time to be on your own to realise this fully
4. Don’t preempt someones behaviour based on past experience. Very difficult to do at times but completely necessary if you are to move forward from past relationships. Best case scenario is that you will unnecessarily worry and worst case scenario is that you end up pushing that person to fulfil those very fears
5. Learn how to argue effectively. Learn some basic listening skills. If your partner feels heard and understood they are more likely to listen and understand you. Don’t shout and don’t sulk!
6. Don’t take your partner for granted. Just because you can get away with things it doesn’t mean you should
7. Apologise if you are in the wrong and show your vulnerable side. It will encourage them to do the same
8. If it’s not working, try to work things out. If things are still not working, leave. Do not become caught in a toxic relationship or relationship rut
9. Be aware of the control exerted over the other person, even if not intended. Do not take over their mother’s role and nag them for things. It is not your right to do so. You cannot change someone so either accept them completely or leave
10. Explore your softer feminine energy which will in turn allow your partner to embrace more fully their masculine energy. Relinquish power over what you cannot control and allow others to do things for you sometimes, even if you are capable of doing it yourself
10.5 Have fun with dating. Take away all pressure and just have fun…who knows what can happen you may just make a new friend!